?!

he said "love you" OMG!!!

Poem

I sent this poem to him, cause it reminded me of the first time we met at a convention almost 14 years ago. Yes he did seduce me and that was the best 3 hours of my life =)
SEDUCE ME by easysweet

slowly with words that play upon
your tongue
then slide
inside me like a glove
slip deep and smooth as if
still young

I feel
the pounding of your pulse
along your length
till fluids flow and
I convulse
around this rock-hard ridge
you give

the purest pleasure
I have known
in every stroke you
slowly seek
with tender thrusts
you know have grown
up to the apex
of my peak

it builds and burns
like beastly fire
as deep inside me
you have drawn
exquisite feelings
of desire
that burst as bright
as desert dawn

our breath in bleating
spasms fast
my teeth tear into salt
slick skin
forever bliss begins
to last
as precious pleasure
deep within

your hands explore
my privacy
while fingers touch and taunt
me now
your thickness brings
such ecstasy
outside your hands
inflame somehow

a flood of fluids
flowing free
from every
soulful orifice
your body is now
one with me
my bursting dam
now bleeds with bliss

your fingers touch
my bud of joy
with gentle strokes
you move me up
I feel as if I'm
but a toy
please play your
toy and slowly sup

and then from deep
within my soul
a shudder and
stupendous surge
my hips rise up to
meet your whole
as you thrust deep
and we both merge

it seemed to last
forever then
a climax of
perfection found
your manhood then
I wrapped around

and soon each second
I did yearn to
stroke you with my
tongue and lips
it's all of you I
now must learn
your hands then held
my moving hips

I took you full
into my mouth
and tasted of your
sweet perfume
as we rolled north
and back to south
all part of pleasure
in our room

your tongue soon found
my secret place
and tipped it's tender
spot so sweet
my mouth increased it's
pleasured pace
inhaling every inch I greet

then soon again my
time had come
your tongue had done
such pleasure well
my climax came just
like when young
I feel your bulbous
beauty swell

then spurt it's joy
inside of me
my mouth was filled
with heated seed
yet still I wanted
more you see
of you and me and
our shared need.

Wow almost 14 years

Yes someone I never thought would still be interested in me has re-entered my life and seemed to change my out look. Thank you, Dave my favorite oppressor of man.

Anger is deep within me....why!!!

Anger is deep within me
Anger is what I want to hear
Anger drives me crazy
Anger is what turns me on
Anger wants to kill me
Anger is what makes me mad
Anger inside me
Needs to stop
Where did it come from
Will it ever stop
My anger is uncontrollable
Anger lashes out at innocent victums
But, why, where, who, what
Brought me so much anger?
Everything makes more anger in me
Life full of pain
Is there ever gonna be an ending?

Will he miss me when I am gone?

I wrote this during a bad time in my life. I just figured I let it go on here.
I also would like any criticism good or bad.

Will you miss me when I'm gone?
Will it really matter?
Will you think of my favorite things?
Would you actually know what they are?
Would you miss my voice?
Do you even know how my voice sounds at all times?
Would you miss my routines?
Do you even know of them?
Will you miss me at all?
Will you miss me?
I always thought you were my strength
But you turned out to be my weakness
I thought I'd last forever with you
Shows how much I really knew
I always thought you were my strength
But you turned out to be my weakness
I thought I'd last forever with you
Shows how much I really knew
Will you even hurt knowing I am gone?
Will you cry?
Will you even notice?

This is what he did to me......

This morning I woke up,
Bursting with confidence,
Overflowing with excitement,
I was convinced I'd done it,
Convinced I had succeeded
When I found out the truth,
I was crushed,
Feeling empty and broken,
But somehow I managed,
To pull myself together,
Determined not to cry
Determined to be fine
But I am not
This life its not what it's supposed to be
you are not who you say you are
this place is different then i pictured
I'm not sure what you see when you look around
but through my eyes it's nothing more to me than a prison from which i can not escape
i want nothing more than to follow it into the eternal darkness
the light just makes my eyes burn till i cry
i thought you might like to know that my wish is to die
but Ii can't do it I'm not afraid of the pain
i stay here in constant pain
but then you say
just come with me everything will be okay
i trusted.... you lied
for those that truly care but do not know enough to see whats really on the inside
on the inside is a creature to terrifying for even a horror movies
those that can see it shield their eyes and run in fear
some can feel it trying to fight it's way out
they too run not caring about the one that has to carry it inside
Why is this happening to me?

I am weak.....

The hurting urge of crying tears...

The pain that is heaped...

They call them fears...

The sudden shadow in which i hide...

I'm just a person...

Lost inside...

Dreaming and wishing...

That one day I'll find...

The daylight that never will turn into night...

And just a sudden moment...

That i can finally speak...

Without my heart falling weak...

To the liars

Sometimes the truth hurts
sometimes it hurts to tell the truth
but a lie insults trust
so whats the functional use
half truths, white lies
sometimes called a small fib
Truth is.. its easier to accept the truth
than to have to whole heartedly forgive
or have to live
with the idea of sacrificing another`s emotions
for conventional slander,
or throw out overhyped conversation
for occasional selfish banter..
Not to recant, revamp, any past dealings, persue`
But Damn I know the feeling of being betrayed
I remain unphased, blahzay...
Reap the positve... we all learn to live WISER
experiencing Brighter days
'JUST'
sit back, relax
watch karma unfold and repay....

Anger

I am so pissed that I feel as if my skin is on fire and that my heart pounds so hard that it's about to burst from my chest. I feel as if I am going to go into a crying fit, but I am fucking tired of crying. I can't take it any more. The mother fucker hurt me and all I can do is let him hurt me.

eating

so I have not been eating lately. I just don't feel like it. I did try to eat today and ended up throwing up. I feel so repulsed.

This is such an horrible day.

All I could do was cry today. He's moved on to someone else. I just want to die. God is laughing at me. Does God hate me so much to torture me this way.I want to leave this place and never go back. He is just like every asshole guy in the word.

Change

Something about him is different. I don't know what, but I know and can tell. It's driving me crazy. It shouldn't drive me crazy. I hate the fact that he is being distant. I don't know what I did or did not do. I just wish he'd tell me.

Never has time always busy?!

That is what he always says. "I got to focus on my music." Yeah sure I understand it's important, but you go out of your way to photoshop "her" pics when you are supposedly working on your music. I can't take this any more you are a fucking bastard and why can't I just let you go!! I want to stop fucking crying and getting the heat in my heart when I get so freaking pissed at you. I beg that God will help me forget you.

My brain just won't shut up

I wish I could stop thinking about him. I just want to scream!!! For fuck's sake, brain SHUT UP!!

Maybe it would be good to just walk away...

I have thought about it many times. Maybe I should not say a word and fade away from him. Could be what is healthy and what I need.
I keep telling myself that,but it's hard. Maybe I am addicted or in denial. I don't want to hurt him, but he's hurt me so much. I want to stop thinking about him. I wish that there was some way to erase the memory of him.

I want it to get better...

Yes I do want it to get better. My sister and like most people would say,"cut him out of your life". Ok easier said than done. I have not felt so much for somebody like I do for him.
He tells me that I am important in his life and that I am the most genuine person he has ever met and I feel the same way, but I am having a horrible time letting go. I just want to stop crying and feeling lonely all the time, dammit!! It fucking has to end.

Being positive my butt

Everyone keep telling me, "be positive". I try all the time and when everything seems to go the way it is supposed to, then something big and bad comes in and destroys what positive energy I have. I hate it when I am told " don't worry things will get better'. Well, they don't! I read "The Secret" everything in that book is easier said than done people!

I still hurt

It's been almost a year and I still have strong feelings for you. I still think about you everyday. I still cry hard. I still suffer with what we could have had. You tell me that you still care about me very much and that you don't want me out of your life, but you don't want a relationship. It is very clear that you don't know what you want. One day I will not be there and maybe you will see how empty your life will be. I want to stop crying and hurting because of you. I try to pull away from you and you will not let me. What is it that you want from me!!